I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
