An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
