Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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