I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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