So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
