I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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