Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
