beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
