He is an equal opportunity slut.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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