you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
