I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
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she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
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I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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