If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
