So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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