TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
