dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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