Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Randomize
