This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
