Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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