but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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