There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
