Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
