They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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