He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
