Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
