That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
