I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
