She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
