but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Man, jail baloney is awful.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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