I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
