I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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