She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Houston, we have a squirter
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The convent might be a nice break from real life
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
