Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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