I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
