Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
