I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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