how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
