So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
