i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
