I wish my penis had an off switch
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
