i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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