the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
