I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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