question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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