I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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