If that was your dad, he is hot
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
