Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize