chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
