i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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