Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
