After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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