they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
