so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
