3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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