I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
