I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
