You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize
