I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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