So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
