he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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