it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
