Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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