Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
