you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
