11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
