i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
