So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
