that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
True strength comes from lack of pants
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
