Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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