Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
