Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
