I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
