your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
