Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
