we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
