I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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