Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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