I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
